I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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