I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
