I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize