Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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