I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
