i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
