literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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