i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
