nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The adults are the big ones right?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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