I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
