Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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