You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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