no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
