My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm both gender and math confused
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
