READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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