Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
