You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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