I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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