Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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