This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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