Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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