so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
