Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
