wrigley field is MILF paradise
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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