I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
