I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
be right there i have to get my cape
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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