i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
