Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
