You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
People in love make me want to vomit
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
