I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
