my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Drunk is not a location!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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