If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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