and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize