I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
