I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Panties = found
Randomize
