someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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