You made me cry and you don't even care
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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