he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
