I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize