my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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