is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
