just tell him i said nine months
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize