wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
