haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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