i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
