wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I understand Curling. That high.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
