I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
