i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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