you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
