we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
