I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
