It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
