Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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