He asked to "fluff my boner.."
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
