During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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