i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think a kid would responsible me up
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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