I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize