Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
