I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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