All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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