Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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