I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize