Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
