Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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