I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
